Dual....:-)
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
