i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
