Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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