Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
