This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
