that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
