I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
