So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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