i just google imaged poop.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm both gender and math confused
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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