Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
