tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
