i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
