The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
