I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
