there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
