and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
