It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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