I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
