yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
