Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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