If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
