Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
