its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
