I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
