Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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