My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
even my farts smell like vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We talked him into tasing himself.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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