You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
