if i can run in heels then i can drive
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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