oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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