I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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