Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She told me I should be a condom model.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
