you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
