Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
