Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
