I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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