Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
