his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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