just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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