He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
