Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
