It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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