i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize