i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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