was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
