Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
