Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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