if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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