how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
