Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
