There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
