the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
