Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
