It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
