between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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