Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
