You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
