Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
