Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
