I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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