I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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