I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
