plz talk dirty to me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
