I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
