I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
