Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
