I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The air was thick with penises
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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