You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
