At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
did i just pee glitter
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