k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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