someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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