Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize