Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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