All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
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I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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