I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
